...quiet, about a lot of things...
Saturday, June 30, 2007
The Battle Royale
Seems I haven't changed that much at all, in nearly thirty years. The battle between good girl and bad, still rumbles loudly. I worried less about some perv coming over and having his way with my pixels,frankly, than I did about what the girls would think of me. Honestly, girls have always scared me more than boys.
I have been entranced with the soundtrack of Wicked for some time now. (totally different subject..but hang with, I'm going somewhere....)One song, Popular, seems be right on point.. last verse goes something like
Popular, you gonna be popular
I'll help you be popular
We're gonna make you popular
just not QUITE AS
POPULAR AS ME!!!!
See, girls play nice, until, one breaks the rules..(like uses a bra to gain attention.) Well, then hell hath no fury like a woman trumped!!
Now, I must say the girls on this playground have been great. I just worry about their secret thought...most of them start with an S..(slut,sleaze,skank,.....)
Yet the picture stays put. Why? Because it is me. The part that's underneath the mom, the friend, the teacher ,and unfortunately, the part hiding beneath the wife. This is the sex in me, the naughty in me..(which by the way, is alarmingly girly girl..and sweet). It's always been in me, and always will be. I want to be proud of it, before it goes away. Scratch that, I hope I rock as a grandmother.
Saying that, even scares me. So many bad characterizations of the old cougars trying, desperately cling to beauty, appeal...Hopefully, I won't cling...maybe just finally own and appreciate.
As for you guys out there, if you want to objectify me a little.. go ahead. At my age..I feel it's well earned! So, instead of a scowl..you'll get a big Thank You Very Much from me...
Friday, June 29, 2007
Note To Self...
Now, I know it was Poetry Thursday, and I am a FABULOUS poet, but I have a feeling something else must have changed. Huh? Now what was it?????
(Thanks to Neil for the extra coverage..thought I must say I feel a bit dirty....)
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Thanks to Neil for "letting me' win his little contest. For those who are here for the first time....Um...Nice to meet you. Any guesses, other than my keen powers of observation, to why I may have won this particular contest??? Just wondering.....
Feel free to stay awhile and look around.
So, OK.. I have lost my mind. But this little number made me giddy this afternoon.
I spent the morning having a root canal...and the evening getting ready for a trip to the Bahamas with Michael.
Something about this bra made me feel young again. I needed that today..as my teeth continue to betray me. As for the picture of the bra...I blame the pain killers, plus I remember wearing less to the beach in the good ole days.
just get it.
I gaze in
at lace ready
Hope everyone has a nice Poetry Thursday. I'm going there now..Don't rush me..Keep your shirt on.....
Labels: Poetry Thursday
Monday, June 25, 2007
Having Been Tagged, She Trembles
Thanks for asking me to join. Not much of a JOINER..but I want to break my wall flower habits..
However, the eight more blogger thing...gonna be tough. So this will be self serve. I'd like to hear list from all my FANS..hehehaha....but do as you please.
Enough about you..on to ME ME ME!
(First, the blog rules..isn't that an oxymoron??)
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each participant posts eight random facts about themselves.
3. Tagees should write a blogpost of eight random facts about themselves.
4. At the end of the post, eight more bloggers are tagged (named and shamed).
5. Go to their blog, leave a comment telling them they're tagged (cut and run).
1. I was born on Oct 13. So sometimes my birthday is on Friday, and the whole world feels the need to comment on it. I am not a particularly unlucky person. Not Lucky either.
2. Let's go with the luck theme for a moment...morphing into a gambling memory. I am not a big gambler. Not a Vegas gal..at all. But I have been. Also to Lake Tahoe. It was in Tahoe that my husband attempted to teach me to play craps. It was also in Tahoe where I managed to roll the dice off the table...TWICE. Once I almost hit the pit boss guy man. He called over his boss to watch me. They thought I was a ringer, meant to distract. No one could be such a spaz.....After a bit, they re thought that..and left me alone.
3. I good bra is a girls best-est friend. I think my husband loves some of my bras...more than me.
4.I was not awake, as in conscious, for the birth of my two daughters. One was an emergency C-section...the other was a repeat c-sec.But No spinal for me. The doc's wouldn't "risk it"...WHAT A CROCK. Very 50's way to give birth...Today, I would have pitched a fit..But back then, I just wanted to be a good girl..and have healthy babies. Now I would ask more questions..and demand more answers.
5. I steal my husbands dress socks to wear under my tall boots when I ride. When I show, (go to horse events) I purposely mismatch them for luck. Plus it SOOOO ticks him off!!hehehe
6.I wear retainers at night, after getting braces as a 36 year old. Really SEXXXXIIIIEE huh?
7.I eat ketchup on my Mac and cheese.
8.I have green eyes. They change with my moods. They are emerald green if I have been crying. If they look grey...you'd better turn and run.
Well,there ya have it. Randomness. Thanks for asking me to play Kamsin!
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Way Past My Bedtime...
I can keep one. While I have been known to chat along with my Kathys...I always honor something said in confidence.
One of my all time favorite movies is the Secret Garden.
I have had a secret admirer..that turned into a slight stalking.
I have had several secret crushes..even since being married.
I do have a few deep dark secrets. Some are fed by shame. Some are fed by fear, and some fed by longing.
When I die, I do hope that all the secret plans will be revealed, and that I will find out that I wound up right where I belonged.
Right here. Right now. With you, and all the other wonderful tiny bits and pieces of my life.
There's a secret door right over here..that leads to Sunday Scribblings..Come on, grab a flashlight. Don't be a chicken!
Friday, June 22, 2007
I will miss most:
"A" telling me his new favorite letter every couple of days. He'd say.."I bet you didn't know that L was my favorite letter!" He ended most of his sentences with an exclamation point. I would always ask him if he was sure that he was excited about the sentence or thought, and he would always nod yes. Can't argue with that. His color was orange. Always, every day one piece of his clothing would be orange. Coincidentaly,(yeah, sure) his flower that rimed his face today was painted orange,in long, broad, good and strong kindergarten strokes.
"J" smiling confidently as he worked at his math, his favorite subject. Yes, we have subjects in kindergarten. I will miss his whisper voice, and the way he fell asleep cuddled to my side, each time we took a field trip. J was the color green.
And lastly I will miss "Z" probably the most. For Z was yellow.. Z picked me dandelions each time we were outside. Z and I had conversations about colors and the difference between peach and orange. Z would come and whisper in my ear.."Could you come to my table next?" as if I were a prize. And every day he told me I was the most beautiful girl in the world...and I believed him.
I leave you with the words of a sweet kindergarten song they sang today...all 25 of them..along with two other kindie classes. Their faces all rimed with brightly colored flower cut outs.
"Have you ever wondered
if people grow to be
As seedlings become flowers
and saplings become trees
And do we measure growing
by the way we've grown
Expecting other flowers
to be just like their own.
If there is a measure
of how I am to grow
It must be my own measure
of what I say and know
Blossoms are beautiful
in their own way
bloom were your planted
be what you may.
Blossoms are beautiful
in their own way
bloom where you're planted
in your own way."
Not a dry eye in the place.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Off The Mark..
I think the young are more purely eccentric than the old. The older I get, the odder I get, this is certainly true. But I think I get more stuck, more mannered, rather than truly eccentric.
To me, eccentric behavior, is spontaneous as a sneeze. Not planned or contrived. Really, the moment that too much thought goes into something, it becomes pretence.
So, back to point, I think that when I was young, I was more eccentric. Like the first time I but my moms petti coat on my head, very pleased with my hat, and thought I was ready to go grocery shopping with her. Or the week I did head stands on in the corner til my skull ached. Why? Cause I figured it out, and I could. Plus it was an interesting perspective. I also remember draping french cut green beans over the tray of my high chair in a very particular pattern.
My kids had different quirks of their own. Rachel became fixated on certain objects. A favorite movie. Just one at a time. Like Fantasia. Again and again and again. Like she was committing to memory every single detail, every stroke, every note and nuance. She would also fall in love with a piece of clothing...and it would appear every day.. hence the much touted summer of the cow hat.
Maggie has always been very tactile. She has smeared anything that could be smeared, on her body and surroundings. She has a fear of large fish. And to this day, still sleeps with a tiny piece of her beloved blankie.
My mother in law, much less tolerant of differences, told me I should just throw it our. That was 12 years ago. Instead, I let the washer take its pound of yarn each time I pried it from her hands. Now she just a wad of yarn threads, which she still tucks under her pillow, at 14. It smells and feels like that age, when she was innocent, and un-judged. When she could have something..just because it soothed her.
I used to tell my mother in law, when she gave me "that" look...I saw no harm. It's not like she was going to walk down the aisle with it.
But now, I'm thinking..so what if she does want to stuff a couple of those well loved fibers into her bra, or have them sewn in a hem for luck, whenever she ventures down the aisles of her life.
We could all use a magic feather some days...and comfort comes in many forms. I am proud of my decision...to never be part of ever taking hers away.
For more personal foibles..head on over to Scribbling. Let's see who colored outside the lines
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Signs of Age
And as odd as it seems, my mind leaps to how old I am getting. It used to be my girl's whined about things being too hot. Now, it seems, it's my turn. Chicken wings, salsa, wasabi....all have to be taken down a notch. Are stewed prunes next??? Lord I hope not.
My father in law calls spicy food SEXY. I've always thought this was very cute. He's such a prim and proper man. It's really unexpected when he says.."Eh, that egg casserole is sorta sexy..huh?" And if he can stand a little heat in his mouth...well I should be able to as well, right??
He, alas, so over salts his food...it is highly possible that he tastes nothing. So I may have to rethink this line of logic.
Tomorrow I will write about the Police Concert in Denver.....Now that was HOT!
To catch more "drop it like its hot sizzle", head over to Sunday Scribblings!
Friday, June 08, 2007
"Dr Mc Lee's office...autopsy fine." Huh??? Translation ..our family doc called to say that Michael's skin biopsy was fine... Big difference, but to a 14 year old, just a small detail.
So when she off handily mentioned that some "David" guy had called for me..I didn't blink, until she mentioned the last name. Then I asked her to repeat herself. She did and handed me a number...
...the number of my first serious high school boyfriend. I may have mentioned my numerous attempts at making him insanely jealous, after we had "broken up". My sad small fruitless attempts. Still we had remained friends for years after high school. I last saw him at the wedding of a mutual friend, very shortly after Rachel's birth. So shortly after, in fact, I remember him oogling my post pregnancy boobs. Only an old friend can look straight at your chest..and say.."You never had THOSE before!" At this event, I met, and barely remember, the woman who was to become his wife. She wasn't so friendly. I can't imagine why.
Flash forward...to Maggie...handing me a number. She said he had asked her, if she was Rachel...Of course he did. He didn't even know she existed.
The next day I spoke to him for about an hour.
The whole conversation started very simply...
"David?" I asked when he answered...
and he returned, as if I had seen him only yesterday, "Well, hello darlin!"
There was no flirting, just two old friends drawing the vaguest outlines of our lives for the last 16 years. Much laughter. Much easiness. I never asked him why he called. I kinda already knew.
Our children are very close to the age we were when we met. You tend to look for benchmarks. Then you think of your own benchmarks..and wonder where time has gone.
We promised to stay in touch this time, and who knows if we will. I was very touched, still, that he thought enough of the memory I had become, to get in touch with me. He didn't e-mail...(as I have done).He took the much more brazen tact these days. He called. Knowing, I am sure, that I would return the call. We had a real teenage romance, and after that..a real friendship. We said we'd always be friends, and in a way, I guess we always will.
(PS The timing of this event written just after my previous post..does not escape me..Life is a wondrous thing!)
Here are a couple links where he has popped up as a character in my remembered melodrama:
and for the really juicy details..here
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
We'll Always Be Friends
And while I totally understand, and even commiserate, I can't help but think that this could be the beginning of the end. Like when you leave the boy you love, believing you will always keep a piece of him with you. That you will always be friends.
And then your not anymore.. It all becomes people you used to know and love and care about.
I hope this does not happen to PT. I hope Dana and Liz just put there feet up and drink some lemonade....and come back soon y'all!
In a striking coincidence, I joined a Poetry Workshop this summer. Maybe I could feel the rumblings...This is a bold move for me..as it entails REAL people..looking at me..and the very terror producing possibility of having to read my poems to REAL people. I much prefer the shadows. Shadows become me. Darkness, even better!!