...quiet, about a lot of things...

Tuesday, April 29, 2008


A decision is made....

I made her stand up and say....My name is Rachel...and I go to Cal!!!(UC Berkeley)

Then I cheered "Go Bears"..... complete with little pom pom kicks...

And the wheels on the bus go round and round....

Congrats Rach! Go get em......
posted by wendy at 9:43 PM 8 comments

Monday, April 28, 2008

All Stacked Up

You know, after 17 years of marriage....you sometimes try to stack the odds in your favor....A little Napa..a little wine and lacy.....plus the racy photos I told you about.

None of it saved this anniversary. Leaves one thinking.....

and hoping and praying.

Praying for what exactly? That's the hardest question.
posted by wendy at 11:41 AM 8 comments

Thursday, April 17, 2008


Giving in front of cameras bugs me. Sponsorship bugs me....Media coverage of Moms Saving the Planet bugs me.

What happened to sending in a check and asking to be listed as a "ANONYMOUS" donor?

Please shoot me if the day ever comes, when I have to be "styled" for my close up...as I go to my mulch pile... or recycle my glass bottles.

Please, please shoot me.
posted by wendy at 9:13 AM 5 comments

Tuesday, April 15, 2008


I've been working on attachments lately. To people. To outcomes. To fears. To feelings.

I want to pare down what I need. Actually...I really want to "need" nothing. I'm not sure this is the wisest goal. But I feel driven towards it.

I crave a world filled with acceptance. Of what is here in front of me. The moment I feel "the need", I wish I could instead just surrender. Experience the moment. However brief or prolonged.

It will change. Sooner or later. I can not need or depend on it to remain the same.
posted by wendy at 10:43 AM 5 comments

Friday, April 11, 2008

I'm A Good Girl...I Am....

Again I am the short one in the middle.

I had never seen My Fair Lady staged before. Of course, I have seen the movie several times. My girls may disagree, but I think it still plays very well.

The themes are timeless.

**Appearances, while perhaps deceiving...do count.

**Our language, and ability to speak correctly, effects us more than we are aware...

**And yet...for all the demands for conformity, it is the unique essence of our selves and souls...that ultimately melt the hearts of those who truly love us.

My memento of the evening?...A baby pink T shirt..maybe a bit too tight....that proudly states..."I AM A GOOD GIRL...I AM!" For me, more of a reminder to self..than a declaration!
posted by wendy at 8:16 AM 2 comments

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The "What If's"

I was visited this week by a friend from the para program....He's out looking at a horse for the Beijing games..which are fast approaching. I got the pleasure of seeing this prospective new mount... FANCY FANCY FANCY!

My friend is in a wheel chair. He too has CP..but his is much more severe than mine. Actually it's place in different areas of his body than mine.

It's always a pleasure talking to a kindred spirit..though it may look as if we have little in common. We actually have quite a bit...

He is much younger than I am..20 years. We both did reckless things as teens in an attempt to just be "one of the kids". He held on to a bumper of a car.. and had it pull him in his wheel chair.. until he and said wheel chair had a parting of the ways.. and he landed on his face...ouch. The other kids were doing it on their skate boards...and he saw no difference.

My reckless behavior was much more of the behind closed doors variety. Sorta anything you can do, I can do better. Enough said.

However, the impulses that drove this behavior forward.. were exactly the same.

After dinner, I asked him the what if question. What if God said..he could "Heal" him...but he would have to trade in his life up to this point? Kinda the Make a Deal version..Door number one...life as you have it now...OR...door number two..the lure of "normalcy"..and all that it would bring...good and bad.

At first,he of course, tried to barter, for just one day...as in..."If I could walk, stand..run..dance..for just one day...."..but I shut him down,(seeing as I was playing God, for the moment.) Nope. This was an all or nothing proposition.

He paused...and said he believed that he would choose his reality..his life now..over what might be better..or easier ..or more socially appealing. I told him I would make the same choice.

We sipped our drinks in silence for a couple minutes after that. We just sat there in the skin we were born into....and lived. Truthfully though,I also think we were both asking ourselves the same question.

Were we lying?
posted by wendy at 9:48 AM 3 comments

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Yes Sir...That's My Baby

I'd like to just take a moment to introduce the newest member of the menagerie...

KATANGA...Tanga..or as her old dad used to call her...BABY..

That's one big BABY...but she's a keeper for sure...

Oh, as for Roux, my lovely sick boy..he was able to move out of his sick stall just this week...back out side. Cross your fingers and wish us luck for a continued recovery. At least now he will feel the spring sun on his back again.
posted by wendy at 8:01 PM 4 comments

Friday, April 04, 2008

All That You Can't Leave Behind

Don't worry, I've moved all of my "Rocks my Socks" friends to Google Reader. This started as a suggestion, from Karl at 2HT...and ended as a necessity, as I tried to "glam" up my template..and lost quite a chunk of my blog.

But there are things I refuse to leave behind. You will travel with me.

I had a conversation this week with an old friend. Inadvertently, the rules of a marriage came up. I think it's funny that different marriages have different rules. But it makes sense. What works for you, may not...and probably doesn't..work for me.

Michael and I have very few hard and fast rules anymore. After years of marriage, things have smoothed a bit.The vestiges of any rules, I may have put in place, long ago, sometime seem strange to me now.

Like "the call" from the road. When Michael first started to travel..over 10 years ago...he would leave, and often forget to call home. Some times I wouldn't hear from him for a day or two. I would worry..fret and fester. So I made a rule. He must call. I have never been a calling kind of wife. He has dinner meetings...and he doesn't need to field calls from me in the middle of conversations.

A lot of girlfriends think this is a big mistake. For me, its just the way I operate. But then I made the rule that he HAD to call me. He has tried very hard to fulfill this promise. Mostly, it's been a good guideline. However, sometimes, I see how hollow it is. There are days I get a call at 9:30pm..as I am drifting off.. (yeah..some days I am DONE by 9:30)with a message left.."just Checking in". He is keeping up his end of the bargain...but that call leaves me feeling more alone, than if I had received none at all. I'm not his Mom. He doesn't have to check in... I'm not the absentee office at the high school.

I am not a check mark.

But, that's what a RULE does. It says every time, every day...I (or he)will respond the same way. I train horses. I know training when I see it.

So..what is the alternative? I guess co-existence. A pledge of love.a pledge to try to avoid malicious behavior. However, a promise also to remain true..and present to ones self FIRSTLY...and then to try to meet the needs of another, the beloved.

No rule of mine will ever make him miss me, or need to hear my voice. No rule of mine will keep him safe from a terrorist, drunk driver, or blonde at the bar. He will live as he must. And so will I.

We will be married, joined...when we no longer look to rules to guide our marriage. We will be joined when we let life join us honestly. When we allow each other to live independently..and merge authentically. He must breath his own air...and my heart must beat on its own..

He can not promise to never leave me...through death or will...and I can not promise that either. The only promise or pledge I can make..is to love him fully each day I have with him.

I love him with all my flaws and perfections..with all my triumphs and mistakes. With all of my selfishness and generosity. I love him for now.

There are no rules for the future..not one that I could conjure..I just don't have that power. I never will.
posted by wendy at 8:37 AM 7 comments

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

oh GOD...Just WHat Have I Done??????

Help.....I Should never remodel without proper supervision....OH CRAP....
posted by wendy at 9:03 PM 4 comments

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

A Fork Stuck In The Road

Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.

Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.

It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.

Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.

For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

(music break)

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

I know all of you are hip enough to know this is the Mega Hit from a couple years back (YIKES! Over ten years ago..holy crap)..TIME OF YOUR LIFE..by Green Day....

If I could sing a single note on key, I would sing this to daughter Rachel; who now sits in the wonderful position of having to decide between some pretty awesome colleges to attend. The price of abundance.

(Note the above photo, is not of her sisters head/scalp after a bloody brawl...It's when Rach cut her hair for Locks of Love..a month ago)

She is still waiting on two answers. But for now, it's between UC Berkeley and Lewis and Clark University. Two very different colleges. Two very different sides to my first born.

One, in my meager opinion, fits her like Cinderella's slipper....all perfect. The other is also an incredible fit...but for different reasons..plus it all blingy and is a house hold name, with uber brand recognition. Lot of ego involved there.I'll leave it to you to decipher which is which.

I've called friends to ask for advise to pass on. They have tried their best. May God Bless them for that. I will try my best in return. But really, it is not my decision to make. It is HERS...The first door she will open on her own. The first step in crafting her brand new life away from us in ho-dunk Colorado. She will be Magnificent.

I hope she has the time of her life.
posted by wendy at 9:55 AM 6 comments