...quiet, about a lot of things...

Friday, January 18, 2008

The Big Ugly Truth

There's a million reasons I have not written anything for a while. But only one of them is the truth.

I am scared.

Of 2008. Of the year my daughter leaves this house and enters the world outside my doors. The year of a "BIG GOAL" that I did not quite make. 2008. The year of shift.

My husband (finally) turns 40, this year. It's about time. I feel like I am 20 years ahead of him. My youngest gets her driving permit this year. One of my dogs turns 8 this year, a danger zone for the big breeds.

There have been deaths and very few births to balance them.

So it is the deaths that I am afraid of..right?

Actually it is the births. The deaths are out of my control. The book closes. I can not, for all my plot thickening, stave off the words: The End.

I tremble at the first sentence. Actually that is not even the truth. I tremble at the impulse before the first sentence. My Father, who I barely know (knew?) used to to talk of a time before I was "even a twinkle in his eye".

The place of beginnings. The place of creation, of possibilities. Are these out of our control also? Or can we have a hand in this? Do we dare to dream the dreams we really want?

So, before we form the first sentence of the first chapter of Forward, there is this brief moment, where we collect our thoughts and words,stringing them together to form the phrase...crafting the theme.

I stand here, fingers poised, lips parted, as if to say something...Ready to SAY SOMETHING.
posted by wendy at 10:09 AM 13 comments