...quiet, about a lot of things...

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

The "What If's"

I was visited this week by a friend from the para program....He's out looking at a horse for the Beijing games..which are fast approaching. I got the pleasure of seeing this prospective new mount... FANCY FANCY FANCY!

My friend is in a wheel chair. He too has CP..but his is much more severe than mine. Actually it's place in different areas of his body than mine.

It's always a pleasure talking to a kindred spirit..though it may look as if we have little in common. We actually have quite a bit...

He is much younger than I am..20 years. We both did reckless things as teens in an attempt to just be "one of the kids". He held on to a bumper of a car.. and had it pull him in his wheel chair.. until he and said wheel chair had a parting of the ways.. and he landed on his face...ouch. The other kids were doing it on their skate boards...and he saw no difference.

My reckless behavior was much more of the behind closed doors variety. Sorta anything you can do, I can do better. Enough said.

However, the impulses that drove this behavior forward.. were exactly the same.

After dinner, I asked him the what if question. What if God said..he could "Heal" him...but he would have to trade in his life up to this point? Kinda the Make a Deal version..Door number one...life as you have it now...OR...door number two..the lure of "normalcy"..and all that it would bring...good and bad.

At first,he of course, tried to barter, for just one day...as in..."If I could walk, stand..run..dance..for just one day...."..but I shut him down,(seeing as I was playing God, for the moment.) Nope. This was an all or nothing proposition.

He paused...and said he believed that he would choose his reality..his life now..over what might be better..or easier ..or more socially appealing. I told him I would make the same choice.

We sipped our drinks in silence for a couple minutes after that. We just sat there in the skin we were born into....and lived. Truthfully though,I also think we were both asking ourselves the same question.

Were we lying?
posted by wendy at 9:48 AM

3 Comments:

Were you?...It would be giving up who you are to be someone you don't know, a leap into the unknown. Hard for anybody.

4/9/08, 5:54 PM  

You never fail to surprise me - I love the way your post ends - I love it all; but the surprise (and truth) of the ending, puts it up into another level again. You're an amazing woman Wends.

4/14/08, 12:35 AM  

For a long, long time I said I had no regrets.

Now I acknowledge I was lying--to myself, to others.

I do have regrets.

How does recognizing that change my life now?

Still working on that question....

4/15/08, 7:30 PM  

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