...quiet, about a lot of things...

Monday, March 17, 2008

A Lovers Quarrel

Yesterday I really exhausted myself at the gym. I've been sick, as noted below.. so haven't really worked out much in about ten days. That worried me.

It worried me because it feels so much better NOT to work out..than TO workout. So much that I could see myself letting the whole thing go, like a delusional phase..like the platinum blond hair phase in the 80's.

So what got me up off of my well padded ass..and back to the gym? Well, it's one of those weird life paradoxes. While it definitely feels better to be snuggled in at home, rather than on the recumbent bike at the gym...The moment AFTER the work out is done..is well...almost better than sex. That's when I walk a mile to "cool down".

Now, suggest I walk a mile to the store for some milk...without the endorphin buzz..and risk your life. But after delicious exertion, as a dessert, so to speak..it really feels like I could skip the whole way. Odd, huh?

So there I was skipping out to the Camry after my intense, pent up work out. Boppin, because, oh yes I DO BOP...to Mary J Blige... I fiddled in my pocket, to find my key "fob" and listened for my car to chirp in recognition. But it didn't.

Happier Times

What a drag. I had to actually pull the fob out..(now why does that sound dirty?) and hit the button to unlock the door..hum.

*NOTE TO SELF: Automated cars are creatures of HABIT. Take any change of behavior as a sign of DANGER.*

The door unlocked and I slid in. Now I must tell you that hybrid's have an odd starting system. You push a button. That's it. A big button on the dash. No key. No turning the key in the ignition. This is called "A Smart System."

Well, God in his/her infinite wisdom and or bully humor...must have known that I have some small talent in working with challenged kids...so he/she decided to give me a challenged fob..or car..(or perhaps...most true..a challenged DRIVER..but I digress).

The car turned on... YAY...but so did the alarm system, which went off, honking every 2 minutes...for a minute at a time....with me sitting in the car....and the car running.(Let me just interject here that my favorite curse word is F@#k. Do we all have a clear picture of this?)

All the while the dash board flashed "key not detected" at me..and flipped the bird to the fob I held in my hand. Yes, I even rubbed the fob on the dashboard in some feeble attempt at connection. Lame, huh. This went on for MUCH longer than it should have.

How did I make it stop?

Like any sane hysterical woman would have. I got out of that damned car, slammed the door.I pushed all the buttons..hoping that somehow translated into "F@#k YOU..YOU PIECE OF SH@#" in hybrid-ese...and walked away. Just then, like any good lover, my car...scared, I suppose, that I might just decide to become a pedestrian once and for all...finally chirped in recognition.

"Please come back..I didn't mean it. I'll be a good hybrid now..I'm sorry.."

Ughh. I couldn't help myself. I caved. That car makes me weak. I was in and on my way home, just like it used to be; back when everything was new and thrilling. Back when it was simple..and we didn't have to try so hard.

Back when I was the key...and my car was the ignition.

Ah, those were the good old days.
posted by wendy at 9:09 AM


Love your last (second to) line...and the whole story.

Similar, but not as good: I drive with my boss to a meeting, intending to take her car (Prius) on to somewhere else. She's been driving, we drop her off, load her up with drawings and laptop and all kinds of good stuff and I move into driver's seat.

I get a short distance and big flashing emergency-type light starts blinking "key not detected"...

Yup, she had her proximity key in the bottom of her handbag.

Luckily, she was still within cell phone range, and actually picked up her call...otherwise I would have been using you and my favorite word.

Lovely car, otherwise, you lucky two. Oh, and Larry David, too.

3/18/08, 11:10 PM  

Too funny!
How frustrating for you...
By the way you articulated exactly how I feel about going to the gym- totally would rather not, but the feeling immediately afterword is priceless.

3/19/08, 10:36 AM  

Oh you are funny, Wendy! You recount this story so wonderfully. Have missed you! Hope you're feeling better. xoxox

3/19/08, 3:23 PM  

you had my attention
right to the last line...
and you made me giggle.

3/21/08, 10:18 AM  

Okay. Are you up for NaPoWriMo in APrIL????? Sure you are! Go see ReadWritePoem....

3/26/08, 9:03 AM  

Your new picture is FINE. I'd know you anywhere, even with a pout and a Stetson.

3/27/08, 3:16 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home