...quiet, about a lot of things...
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Meredith questioned whether this was hip...or just selfish. This is a really complex question.
Being a mom has changed me profoundly...and not at all. Michael and I were very carefree younger parents. Rach used to fly along the LA freeways with me in a convert CJ5 jeep..Michael's first car.(He restored it himself..very souped up.)
I remember one trip we all took...to the Fallbrook area, down by San Diego. At that time we dreamed of having an avocado farm. We off roaded all over the hills of Fallbrook. Michael and I have always been drawn to country roads. We went where no roads existed..through streams, Rachel bouncing along in her car seat. It was a great So Cal day.
We kinda lost track of time...and it got a bit late..and a bit chilly...So we cuddled Rach into her jacket..and popped her inside a PILLOWCASE for extra warmth. That's right..a pillowcase!
I was never very prepared...but my kids didn't seem to suffer. I was just me..with kids. Never got caught up with diaper bags and designer prams. I've never had a mini van...or dressed like a mom either. But those things are just an aside..and have nothing, or very little to do with BEING a mom.
I always had things,other than my kids, that I love. Since having my kids, I have spent hours gardening, in darkrooms and on photo shoots,and on horseback. I did none of those things before I was a mom. I never stopped having new loves because I had been blessed with my daughters. I have never stopped changing. I have never growing, becoming. I hope I never stop.
I hope my daughters will learn by my example. The best gift, I believe, we give to our children, is showing them how to live our authentic flawed messy perfect lives.
If that makes me selfish....so be it.