...quiet, about a lot of things...
Monday, April 30, 2007
Have I mentioned I have a temper? I am slow to snap..but when I do you get the whole snap crackle POP. Well, I popped all over my family within the last 24 hours. Each and every last one of them. Sigh.
I have valid beefs with each one. But that's not the point.The point is I am trying to hold them to a standard that I have never attained. Real fair, huh.
Here's the gist:
I am tired of living in a... You scratch my back..I'll scratch yours family...and for that matter, world. Here at mi casa, everyone is just happy as little clams when they are getting what they want. Maggie gets cloths and accessories. Rachel gets to feel superior to the world..and Michael gets to come and go as he pleases.I, myself like to be pampered, a little...We all exist in this perfectly balanced world of exchanged favors..until the delicate balance is thrown off.... Until I asked Maggie to make me a sandwich after my horse show yesterday.
I was tired. I just wanted her to do it for me. Just do it. Please. But alas, I had nothing to barter. I was spent. Let's just say, she didn't do it.I wasn't pleased.
S N A P.
I went down stairs..(I could embellish a bit here and say I hobbled...)and found my husband in a pouty mood having made dinner for he and Maggie. He was under the "impression" that I was not eating..since I was dressed for bed.
Really what was happening, was that, he had been home since Friday and I had yet to put my wares on the table, so to speak. Nothing to offer..nothing received. Get the picture? K R A C K L E.,
And Rach..well, the usual.. She was up late this AM, causing mois..her chauffeur to rush to get her to her drop off...Somehow,this is my fault..as I hand her a check for something..She reminds me of my anger management issues... P O P
Now here's the hard part to swallow. I am no different. Perhaps a bit more unconditional...but when I do unto others...I expect SOMETHING. A thank you, a credit in the bank of worth and good mommydom. I expect a tally mark in the sky.
I want to get off this ride called the cirkle j*rk..insert e.
I want to evolve to the point where I can do the chore or the favor or the kindness just for the sake of the deed, not the credit in the bank. I want to remain anonymous. No tally marks. Just doing for the sake of doing...for the pleasure of being of service.
But until I can manage this... how on earth can I expect my family to?....
Ahhh, growth is a hairy assed bit**!!!(oh the google hits I'll get from this post!)
F**K it!..(did I mention I swear when I'm mad...and "evolving"?)