...quiet, about a lot of things...
Monday, July 23, 2007
Big Question, Small Head
I woke up this morning with these questions in my head. I had been dreaming that I could not find my way out of my garage. We had moved to yet another new house..and there were packing boxes everywhere. But I couldn't even start on those because I was stuck in the garage. I had lost my bearings. No sense of direction.
Zoey licked me in the face, telling me to (finally please) get my ass out of bed. In those first hazy moments..feet to carpet, carpet to tile..tile to bathroom, the above questions started their loop in my brain.
I've been on a truth hunt lately. Starting to face some things I'd rather not. Some things that are no doubt, tucked in those "moving boxes" I keep toting along with me.
I'm at the age that I'm starting to crave power. Not a male power..ie control and conquer..but a feminine power.The power that comes in knowing what is true, and what is fable.I think this is because my kids are growing up and gonna need some real advice soon. I want to tell them the truth. So I need to find it and dust it off.
I good friend is getting married this Saturday. She is just out of college, and young in many ways for her age. She is BLISS personified right now. She is intoxicating. Her dreams are about to come true, in a lovely ivory strapless number, with a small tasteful tiara on top.
She hasn't a clue,and that is a good, good thing. I told her, I would be there to help if she ever needed some advice. I am officially old enough to be her mother. But I'm not. I'm her friend. So, when she comes to me, that first time the yoke of marriage feels a bit to snug, I'd like to have the knowledge to loosen her worries a bit. Help her mourn the loss of bliss.
I just can't decide if I can truly back that line of thinking...that one cancels the other.
Knowledge or Bliss?? Which would you pick?