...quiet, about a lot of things...
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Deepest Darkest...for Sunday Scribbling
Whats that old saying...We are a sick as our secrets? I must be close to terminal!
Instead of getting entirely teary and dramatic..I thought I'd just pick three, in random order.
1. One of my deepest darkest desires is/was? to be devastatingly beautiful. Like, do damage beautiful. Slash and burn and take no prisioners beautiful. It's a really shallow thing to want. But I have wanted it badly for a long time.
2.The next desire would be to be graceful. Fluid. Lyric. To move with physical ease and elegance. To be poised. In guided imagery exercises..I have always wanted to be a skater.. or a ballerina. Speed agility and grace. That would be heaven for me.
3. I harbour much anger towards my mother. I'm not sure I love her. I love the IDEA of her. My whole adult life has been spent trying not to become her. Now hold on for the U turn here, when my own daughters call me "Grannie" (their pet name for my mom..really Grannie Goose..I know weird huh..My mom picked it..not me)I however, feel some weird sense of glee. As long as it's not pointing out some resemblance in psychotic behaviour...My mom has a lot of odd and charming mannerisms. I like when those come out..As for the dark side to her...I always carry a large stick in side of me (mags would say up my Bu**) to keep that monster under control.
My lack of compassion for my mother,shocks and scares me. I am not proud of this. In fact I am ashamed.
I promised three...so three you'll get! I'm off to...oh I can't tell you...It's a deep dark.....
Thanks for the prompt..Sunday Scribblings.