...quiet, about a lot of things...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Line Breaks and Commas and Flow..Oh My!!

The challenge over at Read Write Poem...is to take on a different persona when it comes to line breaks. This is when you know you are talking to a different crowd folks! See, a poet knows, there is a certain pattern they flow into when writing. A certain form, a shape to their poetry.

The problem being, out of comfort or habit one may choose the same coat time and again...because it just feels right. And in truth, it may be " just right". But it may be just convenient, or a tad lazy.

So I am up to it..I think. As you may know,I am the queen of the short line, the short stanza, the short poem. The fact that I am 5' tall may or may not have anything to do with it.

Be that as it may, today I will ramble and amble, down the long winding line. Why? Because they told me to.


Undertone

I should have given you anything else, I suppose. In truth I wish I had a choice.
But, as it turns out, I didn't. This does not surprise me at all, really. That

what I wanted,didn't (doesn't) count. Just like when I made you,I guess. I had
no say into what pocket they dipped..to create you. I was splayed open; all

pieces and parts...Some one other than myself, picked and poked at what was to become YOU. I was just the aisle marked MOTHER. What an odd assortment of things?!

On my shelves.Disorderly conduct, haphazardly thrown. Illogically arrayed attributes
nuzzled cheek to cheek with hard cold facts. I had no judgement in their placement.

I wonder what was on the list when they made you? You are certainly more exotic than
you ingredients. More nuances for all the quirky blends.I only wish they had pushed

the more obvious aside, and plowed deeper into the back stock. I always have kept the best stuff hidden. Perhaps they did find the treasures I had squirrelled away.

Perhaps, just like your mother, you are good at hiding too.
So much of you is undertone.
wlf 11:59


Thanks for such an interesting and challenging prompt. For the basis of mood.. go below one post for explanation..the one with the Santa hats.

PS..Blogger wanked up all the line breaks..funny huh?.. Each stanza should be two long lines. I swear I wrote it that way. This disproves form over function.

Now,
get
over
to

Read
Write
Poem
.

Shoo.
posted by wendy at 11:24 AM

5 Comments:

Hi Wendy,

Yes- lets sit at a party and talk about penis envy! :)

But in other news, this is one incredible poem. You were able to get out of your "short line rut" quite effectively and actually write lines that were longer than 1 single line!

You have embedded incredible imagry in here- especially "aisle marked MOTHER".

This one is a success. Birth and maternal poetry always moves me, and this one is up with the best I've read.

12/12/07, 11:59 AM  

I agree, incredible imagery, a very fine write. I read the post below and it's great that you got her help.

12/12/07, 1:41 PM  

WOW, YOU'VE HAVING A PARTY??? Well, I for one, have NO penis envy, so...well, I might stay home even if I were to be invited.

This is a fine poem--see, you can also be the Queen of long lines! Try a syllabic. Choose how many syllables you want and break the lines at that point. It's fun! And it retains a kind of heartbeat.

Merry Christmas, friend.

12/13/07, 2:28 PM  

I agree that it is a fine poem, and I was able to figure out the line breaks even though blogger doesn't really allow for long lines.
Best wishes to you and your daughter, it can be hard to watch them going through it at times, but there is often an internal strength (and fine intelligence) that hides under the depression that will see her through

12/13/07, 3:53 PM  

The long lines really work for this poem, and it doesn't feel like prose (which is a problem I have with my pieces).

12/15/07, 5:58 PM  

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