...quiet, about a lot of things...

Friday, October 27, 2006

a little this..a little that

Firstly, I was back in the saddle today..Thanks for all the good wishes...My injured part..(ok it was my foot and toes)..swollen and bruised..was forced into my boot..and into my stirrup iron.

The whole post (last two) was inspired by a phone conversation w/ one of my horse crazy gal pals. She just displaced a disk...and is out for 4-6 weeks. She went for therapy,and her doc made a comment about competitive equestriennes. "Toughest women I've ever seen..just keep getting back on!" Hell YEAH! I shared the saga of my latest injury...and laughed because when it happened, I did not shed one tear. I had to sit down..immeadiately..cause it hurt so bad.. but not one tear. Riding beasts makes you one tough broad! We wondered if this was a good thing...or a bad thing.

Now on to an interesting prompt from Deirdre, on magazines..with a neat little segue way into Neils most current introspection.insecurity Friday.....Alas this little story is true.. oh..so many dirty little secrets...

After my dalliance with the muse, I fell in love with the actor..worse than actor..the Comedian..aka..THE DEVIL...ok, perhaps a bit to strong..How about Norman Bates..ok,,,we'll call him Tony..Cause he looked very much like a young Tony Perkins.

Tony was about as far away from the muse as I could get. The muse was an eagle scout..eager young pup. Tony on the other hand, was all motorcycle and wit. He was a regular at the Comedy Store...and he hit me like a freight train gone amuck. I saw him and I lost my breath. We had a several year "affair"..that spanned from coast to coast. I ran from him..back to him. Ran from him...wanted him to chase me...VERY MUCH DRAMA!!

Tony had me about as whipped as I have ever been. At one of the lowest moments of my life... I remember finding all of his PENTHOUSE mags...and in a fit of jealous insanity..opening them to the centerfolds and placing them all over his Hollywood apt( to which I had a key, because more often than not, I paid the rent...)I sat and waited for him to get home. He did...I went very GLENN CLOSE on him. I just remember feeling so betrayed. He was very well sexed.(at the time I did not know exactly HOW well sexed).I wanted to be enough. These women showed me I wasn't enough. I was very young..early twenties.

How times have changed!!..for Christmas a few years back, I bought my husband an art book on Playboy's history. I have come to see that this IDEAL form of "beauty" (aka sex)...is like believing in Santa, for men. Who am I to spoil that fun? I will never understand what drives men...Didn't Christy Brinkleys husband cheat on her??? There are just some things that are meant to be different about men and women. Period.

Tony and I were briefly friends after being lovers. We'd often laugh about that Magazine night afterwards. He would compliment me on CRAZY...I would remind him that I literally fed him..as in kept him alive for a couple of years.. and in the end a truce was called. He was at my wedding, danced with me, looked me in the eyes...and wished me happiness. I'm sure he was glad that he dodged that bullet...and I felt the same dam way.

My husband's coming home tonight. Almost 2 decades of craziness together..and not once, have I ever asked if I am enough. I know better now.
posted by wendy at 9:33 PM

6 Comments:

It's good to get past that horrible insecurity. I wouldn't go back to that for anything. As for the magazines, been there too and didn't like it. Glad you're feeling better. Ouch.

10/28/06, 8:51 AM  

that last line..."i know better now"....yes, i love that. at some point we get to this place where we begin to believe.

10/28/06, 10:33 AM  

Glad you're feeling better now. And glad you now spend your life with a deserving man - a real keeper (not like a disposable magazine). :)

10/28/06, 6:00 PM  

My "Tony" came to my wedding, too. I was glad at first, because I knew I looked SUPER! He brought 2 unwrapped goosedown pillows with a note attached that said: For Remembrance.

I crumpled it up and threw it in the trash before anyone who mattered saw it. (Speaking of deep dark secrets).
Years later (and five kids) he called me out of the blue. My oldest boy answered the phone. "Hello," he said. "Do you remember me?" and it was as if somebody had hit me with an axe right between the eyes. (I later wrote a poem with that title: Hello, he said, Do you remember me?)

10/28/06, 9:40 PM  

No drama in my dating history. I hate drama.

I've always mistrusted raging emotions or the mindset that requires the big gesture to make it all real. Even in films, when characters do the grand romantic thing, I cringe a little bit. And I have a tendency to smirk at frou-frou weddings, thinking "The more romanitc or expensive the wedding, the quicker the divorce!"

To me, love is a very quiet thing...

10/29/06, 1:35 AM  

Pepek...Kindred, we are kindred.

v-grrrl...I totally agree that the crazy drama moments of my life, were in hindsight, not love, for the most part. Michael and I are much more subtle. A look, a vibe, is all it takes. But I must confess I have a bit of Diva luking somewhere deep inside..too.. Confession is good for the soul..Right?

Deirdre, thanks for the great prompt..I had forgotten this crazy memory..

Paris...Yeah Michael is a keeper.

Liz...When I grow up, I want to be JUST LIKE YOU! honest!

10/29/06, 7:56 AM  

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