...quiet, about a lot of things...
Friday, October 27, 2006
a little this..a little that
The whole post (last two) was inspired by a phone conversation w/ one of my horse crazy gal pals. She just displaced a disk...and is out for 4-6 weeks. She went for therapy,and her doc made a comment about competitive equestriennes. "Toughest women I've ever seen..just keep getting back on!" Hell YEAH! I shared the saga of my latest injury...and laughed because when it happened, I did not shed one tear. I had to sit down..immeadiately..cause it hurt so bad.. but not one tear. Riding beasts makes you one tough broad! We wondered if this was a good thing...or a bad thing.
Now on to an interesting prompt from Deirdre, on magazines..with a neat little segue way into Neils most current introspection.insecurity Friday.....Alas this little story is true.. oh..so many dirty little secrets...
After my dalliance with the muse, I fell in love with the actor..worse than actor..the Comedian..aka..THE DEVIL...ok, perhaps a bit to strong..How about Norman Bates..ok,,,we'll call him Tony..Cause he looked very much like a young Tony Perkins.
Tony was about as far away from the muse as I could get. The muse was an eagle scout..eager young pup. Tony on the other hand, was all motorcycle and wit. He was a regular at the Comedy Store...and he hit me like a freight train gone amuck. I saw him and I lost my breath. We had a several year "affair"..that spanned from coast to coast. I ran from him..back to him. Ran from him...wanted him to chase me...VERY MUCH DRAMA!!
Tony had me about as whipped as I have ever been. At one of the lowest moments of my life... I remember finding all of his PENTHOUSE mags...and in a fit of jealous insanity..opening them to the centerfolds and placing them all over his Hollywood apt( to which I had a key, because more often than not, I paid the rent...)I sat and waited for him to get home. He did...I went very GLENN CLOSE on him. I just remember feeling so betrayed. He was very well sexed.(at the time I did not know exactly HOW well sexed).I wanted to be enough. These women showed me I wasn't enough. I was very young..early twenties.
How times have changed!!..for Christmas a few years back, I bought my husband an art book on Playboy's history. I have come to see that this IDEAL form of "beauty" (aka sex)...is like believing in Santa, for men. Who am I to spoil that fun? I will never understand what drives men...Didn't Christy Brinkleys husband cheat on her??? There are just some things that are meant to be different about men and women. Period.
Tony and I were briefly friends after being lovers. We'd often laugh about that Magazine night afterwards. He would compliment me on CRAZY...I would remind him that I literally fed him..as in kept him alive for a couple of years.. and in the end a truce was called. He was at my wedding, danced with me, looked me in the eyes...and wished me happiness. I'm sure he was glad that he dodged that bullet...and I felt the same dam way.
My husband's coming home tonight. Almost 2 decades of craziness together..and not once, have I ever asked if I am enough. I know better now.