...quiet, about a lot of things...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Really, Am I That Transparent?

I'm "going to ground" today. Sorta duck and cover...or hide and don't seek. In other words( my daughters' words..and husband's for that matter..)IN THE CAVE.

I tend to coast along for a bit in life and then get bored. So I make a nice little obstacle course for myself, adding healthy amounts of delusion and petrified fear as I design the labyrinth. Really, who are we kidding?...WE are the only ones who really can create the mazes, the haunted houses, that scare the living sh@t right out of us.

So anyway, I've been bored, restless more succinctly, lately...so I have been doing a bit of mental construction and heavy lifting. I've managed to breath life into quite a beautiful mess o'rama. Lots of phobias and past "issues" to deal with in the coming months. Should be fun, once I get my nerve up, and time pushes me right up to the ledge...and forces me to jump...

But right now, I'm in my hunkered down mode...all tense and ready to spring. I always go through this phase alone, as it is not very pretty to watch. As a distraction, I preen a bit, picking at nits or taking dumb personality tests.

The thing is...these stupid tests are almost always right...Freaks me out...so far, I agree that:

-I need to work on my root and my solar plexes chakras. (This being association with my physical self and my power with others...I just learned this. Don't snicker)But a big CHECK!!

-I am an existential thinker. That I think I make my own reality. (see above for verification...)CHECK!!

-My seduction style is that of philosopher. Yep. Been told that. Bunches. Have also been told to "Shut Up..and just Kiss me." Matter of fact..quite recently...so

I answer these quizzes earnestly. Really, the answers are so easy...who would dare to think differently...Oh, I know I'm just avoiding that lovely little mental jungle gym I've built right over there. I can see it out of the corner of my eye. I do have peripheral vision, silly.

I'm just preparing myself to face it...the only way I know how...by quietly obsessing in a hell..I mean world..I mean cave..of my own making.

This may take a while. But I should be back by tommorrow. There's a sale at TJ Maxx.
posted by wendy at 9:38 AM


Wish I could go to a craft store and find myself, or lose myself, or forget that in about six months I need to figure out how to get paid for being madly creative, occasionally mentally unstable, and not interested in rigid schedules...

9/19/07, 2:27 PM  

That is so cute - without putting you down - I mean it in the most nicest sense - the most highest sense. You are one of a kind. Unique, you are. I just love what you write.

9/22/07, 1:07 AM  

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